i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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