How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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