Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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