stop calling my apartment porn island.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
