would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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