i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
