remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
