RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
