Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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