she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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