some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
