Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is the high leading the old right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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