Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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