WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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