I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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