New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
