Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
