I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
