Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
