you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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