when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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