my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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