The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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