I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
