you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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