Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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