they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
