so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
