Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
