You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
