Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
