My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
