Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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