I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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