Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
