i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
