turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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