you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
