Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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