So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
