I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
