yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
