i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
