Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
