I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
