Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
