hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
