Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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