dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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