If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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