Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
