i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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