Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
