Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
