thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
