Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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