I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She bit a glass in half.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
