i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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