I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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