ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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