my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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