I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
